The one question I get asked a lot, second only to “What do you even eat?”, is “What is a reaction like?” Whether it is coming from my friends, moms of food allergic children, or even my own mom, I’ve never really known how to answer it. And if you’re one of the people that have asked me, then you have probably noticed how I tend to skirt around the question or that I’m just incapable of answering. Honestly? I did that not because I didn’t want people to know, but because I really just didn’t know how to put it into words and be able to describe it accurately. And I’ve lived 15 years never knowing how to describe it. Until now. So this is to everyone that has ever asked me: “What is a reaction like?”
Here is your answer:
It lingers in the distance.
It settles in the pit of my stomach.
The silent wish that I am wrong.
The overpowering evidence that I am right.
The tears lingering behind my eyes.
My refusal to let them fall.
Admitting to my mistake.
The shame found hiding within my words.
The fear behind my mother’s eyes.
The love felt within her comforting touch.
The cry that wants to escape my unparting lips.
The longing for everything to disappear.
The gasp of air as the pain slowly releases its unrelenting grip.
The sigh that falls with the strength of my body.